Monday, March 25, 2013

The shear terror of missing vocabulary!

Another temporary expat friend here in France blogged at being humbled by the baker. I agree that no other French profession seems to hold my French in such sheer contempt.  There is even one bakery that I stopped visiting because they seemed so dismissive of my pronunciation.  But with multiple boulangeries within one block of our place, I'd really have to ramp up my sensitivity before I would run out of options; heck, I wouldn't even have to go a couple blocks out of my way.

Butcher shops seem almost as offended as bakeries when I butcher the language.  I have already stopped visiting one boucher because I was tired of him looking down his big Gallic proboscis at my pronunciation of "saucisse."  C'est la vie buddy because, again, we are bombarded by butchers.

The fact that bakeries and butchers could be so snotty about my French seems to run counter to anything Adam Smith and his "invisible hand" would have said about competition -- since there are so MANY bakeries and butchers, theoretically, they should be the MOST accommodating of my "funny" French phraseology.  But they're not. Adam Smith would be right, though, in predicting that their prevalence would result in no fear on my part of stepping into a shop and mispronouncing any number of the dozens of different breads, from baguettes, flutes, pain au chocolates, pain au lait to tartes. Same with the various viandes, from agneau, boeuf, and poulet to veau or with the strange cuts. If they look at me funny, I move on. Heck, I might even start mispronouncing things on purpose, just to narrow down the options.

Restaurants don't intimidate me, either. I can walk into any restaurant anywhere. Not only is the vocabulary for foods almost international, It's just a matter of routine. Walk in, hold up the appropriate number of fingers for the folks in your party and follow the host. A waiter will bring a menu, and then disappear for a long while. Eventually the waiter will return, at which time you point to something on the menu and grunt. Then wait until the food arrives. Chew the food, swallow, repeat... Get up when you're done and give them money. It's so scripted it hardly takes any language at all.

The one shop that DOES strike terror into me is the hair salon. I HATE putting myself in a position where I don't have ANY vocabulary. I even have to look up the word "coupe de cheveux." Even with Google Translate I don't think I could say "just a little off the top" if my life depended on it. And it's not that I CARE much about my hair (what is left of it). And it doesn't matter that my hair will grow back in a week (well, the places that are still growing). Heck, I could even wear a hat. It's just I feel so utterly helpless with none of the vocabulary. Who knows what I might walk out with, a flat top, mohawk, or even a reverse mohawk...? You sit there and don't know if the person is asking you what you would like done with your hair or whether they should put Aunt Mabel in a nursing home. My kids suggest just saying "Oui." But what if they're asking if I want to try out a green and pink mohawk? Oh, the fear!

Long story short, I walked out with a haircut that looks pretty much like every haircut I get at home. And I've found over the years there is that routine thing that helps. They wash my hair (sometimes), then cut it. When I'm at home they say things I don't care about, when I'm overseas they say things I don't understand. But then they pick up the towel and I stand up and pay. Done. Freedom for another 6 weeks!

Anyway, note to language teachers everywhere (I used to be one): Forget the silly phrases like "Excuse me, can you tell me where I can catch a cab to the airport?" If someone can't figure out they can get a cab at their hotel, they're probably too stupid to learn another language. Instead, focus on teaching the practical things regular people CAN use. Language instruction should be based on phrases you'd have to use, and the order you'd use them. For example, German instruction should start with "Ein bier bitte" and then move on to "Where is the restroom?" French should stay with "Bon jour, madamme. Je voudrais un..." But after you have mastered those those basic survival phrases you need to learn USEFUL phrases like, "Just a trim. Tapered on the side, please" and "Yea, I think it's time that old bag Aunt Mabel went to a nursing home!"

No comments:

Post a Comment